Austin Tan – Embarassing JC students while being a total douche

*DISCLAIMER – The following material is personal opinion and is written as a joke. No harm is meant to anybody.

 

So I saw this FB post by Austin Tan, a student from a prominent JC.

 

I have to say, this guy is a really arrogant douche. So I’ve decided to take some time and poke fun at his inflated ego. Before I begin, I’d like to say that Iam also a JC student, but I respect ITE students tremendously and some of them remain my good friends to this day. Right, so let’s talk shitiness.

 

“What now?” – Woah dude calm down, no one’s yelling at you for being incredibly stupid and flat-out wrong. Yet.

 

“ITE are for losers…” – So much to say about this claim. Firstly, good to see that the “prominent” JC you’re from places so much importance on proper English. *is, as in “This guy is an extra large douche with a coke and some fries”. Secondly, on a more serious note, ITE isn’t a place for losers, as much as his microscopic brain might fantasise. There are good and unique opportunities available for ITE students, courtesy of our government, such as not being a professional loser on the Internet that no one gives two shits about and probably has no social life.

 

“Oh please” – good to see that this guy is fantabulous, as hes engliush well hav u bveieve.

 

“you’re a frog in a well katelynn” – What’s a “Well katelynn”? Why does being inside it make you a frog?

 

“I know what Macdonalds is like” – no shit buddy, so does everyone who walks 5 miles in I don’t know, any part of Singapore. Speaking of which, what’s with the hate on people working at Macdonalds? I have friends who worked at Macdonalds and they do so just to earn some quick cash, you inconsiderate, pompous arse.

 

“and not being racist but…” – This is a rather interesting epic fail as his next insult, while being completely retarded, had absolutely nothing to do about being racist, but rather had everything to do with being a complete dimwit.

 

“and seriously, the handwriting is no different than a kindergartens” – but the engrish is probrry batter.

 

“…my A level standards I don’t think you would want to work in macdonalds either” – I’m trembling at both your incredible proficiency in English and your absolute wealth of general knowledge, both of which are apparently some new benchmarks set by SEAB for H3 Bullshit.

 

“That is not English then.” – The comedy writes itself, hypocrite. If you want to insult someone’s language, check your own.

 

“for those who knew me” – 1) sounds like how a rapist would describe his past victims at a hearing.

 

“So for what reason do I have to study extra?” – It feels mean to bring back the English argument again.

 

“out of my league” –First of all, I agree that the girl you harass daily is indeed hopelessly beyond your reach. However, back to seriousland, this is the part I took the most offence with. Are you really that arrogant, that proud that you imagine yourself above ITE students? Straight off the bat, I can think of at least 3 things they have that you don’t. They are mostly nice people, they don’t make stupid remarks on the internet, and they don’t declare their wrongness so prominently, like it’s a gold medal to be displayed.

 

Let me just end off by saying that I’m not personally attacking him, but rather just mocking his opinion out of some frustration I feel as a JC student. To all ITE students reading this, please don’t judge us based on him. I personally believe that people like this bring nothing but absolute disgrace. Speaking of which, oh hi Steven Lim!!

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES SCRIPT REIMAGINED

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES SCRIPT (as imagined by rukiahayashi)

 

FADE IN:

 

EXT. AIRPLANE

 

DC COMICS’ crappy new logo is seen before showing a cracked bat sign that foreshadows the tragic events about to take place until HOODED TOM HARDY and nuclear scientist ALON ABOUTBOUL are taken onboard AGENT AIDAN GILLEN’S PLANE.

 

AIDAN GILLEN:

Since we are the CIA, the premiere intelligence organisation in the entire world, we are letting all of you keep your hoods on for no real reason other than for the dramatic reveal! No need to confirm your identities just yet, screw proper procedure!

 

(proceeds to threaten random henchman while asking about TOM HARDY, which any reasonably intelligent douche can guess is in the plane and is one of the hooded men)

 

TOM HARDY:

(remastered version)

Time to say somethinsf in my trademark voice to draw attention to myselsf!

 

AIDAN GILLEN:

(removes hood such that full dramatic effect is achieved)

Holy crap it’s TOM HARDY! Big unexpected surprise right here! Now instead of killing him right now with god forbid, a gun, I’m going to go all tough guy on him while he executes his perfectly believable plan that obeys the laws of physics to a T!

 

(TOM’s mercenaries appear and start killing the CIA agents, who all seem to have temporarily forgot how guns work.)

 

ALON ABOUTBOUL:

The laws of physics aside, you honestly believe that no one would ever suspect anything from this unnecessarily elaborate plan that only exists to show the wings of planes are really fragile?

 

TOM HARDY:

Of coursrh! Even with say, proper forensic evidence and aeronautical analysis, this incident is obviously a freak accident!

 

TOM absconds with ALON and dangles from a rope that is attached to a plane.

 

CUT TO GOTHAM CITY, BALE MANOR

 

EVERYONE is listening to a speech at a recluse’s manor.

 

DIALOGUE about the DENT ACT, informing everyone just how screwed they are if they didn’t watch the first two movies.

 

GARY OLDMAN:

I had a speech prepared to talk about Aaron Eckhart, but then I realized it would be the film's third podium speech in less than nine minutes.

 

(tucking speech into pocket)

 

I refuse to read this speech right now. Christopher Nolan is just going to have to figure out some other way of delivering eight years of exposition.

MICHAEL CAINE:

ANNE HATHAWAY, I could bring BALE his meal myself, but truth is I’m too damn lazy and since you seem completely trustworthy, here’s the key to a room upstairs in a house that is most certainly not home to the notorious BATMAN.

 

ANNE steals pearls from an uncrackable safe.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE:

Damn, those were my mother’s! Knew I should’ve hidden those somewhere else other than the most obvious place anyone would look for valuables!

 

ANNE HATHAWAY:

Why are you holding a cane? Is it because of that fall you took the last movie tackling Aaron Eckhart? Okay then, so it’s established that you are a cripple who can’t walk without the help of a cane. Fair enough, I’ll just leave you squirming pathetically on the ground.

 

(trips BALE, who squirms pathetically on the ground.)

 

Time for a backflip without checking where I’m going to land! Luck is always on my side, as it will be for about 3 more times throughout the movie!

CUT TO SEWERS

 

GARY OLDMAN is captured by thugs and taken to TOM HARDY.

 

GARY OLDMAN: Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?

 

TOM HARDY: That is irrelevant. Maybe it’s to show off my imposing frame! Search him for any important stuff he could be carrying!

 

HENCHMAN: (after finding speech that GARY OLDMAN carries everyway like it’s his ID or something.) Sir, why don’t we just shoot him and get it over with? Leaving him like this presents him with a chance to escape via that conveniently placed sewer flow!

 

TOM HARDY: I donsh know. He just can’t die because he’s GARY OLDMAN. In fact, no main character will die in this epic conclusion despite all the hype in this movie alluding to that taking place!

 

GARY OLDMAN escapes via sewer flow, bullets aimed at him hit everything except him.

 

HENCHMAN: We can’t possibly find him! The water flow could go anywhere!

 

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT finds GARY OLDMAN in the very next shot.

 

INT BALE MANOR

 

CHRISTIAN BALE(after hearing obscure Killer Croc reference): How on earth do you know I’m BATMAN?

 

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT: All right dude, like most of this movie, this crucial plot point was thought out of with extreme care. I looked in your eyes a long time ago and could tell you were BATMAN. Not because you’re rich and came back conveniently when BATMAN first appeared.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: Wow, with that concrete proof I’m not even going to deny it. Anyway, I’m going to foreshadow what most fanboys probably guessed about your character months ago.

(looks directly at JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT)

BATMAN can be anyone. Anyone.

 

 

CUT TO CHRISTIAN BALE IN BATCAVE.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: This leg-brace gives me a kick that pulverises bricks! Awesome! It’s also clearly compact enough to fit inside the Batsuit! So it’s established that I need this to walk properly, just so the audience is clear, wouldn’t want any potential plotholes to surface! Also, it would be a crying shame if this device was never used at all and was shown for absolutely no good reason!

 

Shot of MICHAEL CAINE gazing uneasily at the damaged brick wall, fearing CHRISTIAN BALE’s superhuman power.

 

INT BALE INDUSTRIES

 

MORGAN FREEMAN: Let me show you some stuff anyway, for old times’ sake. Since MICHAEL CAINE doesn’t want you to be BATMAN, I will defy him to the very end since…ah screw it here we are. It’s the Bat, your new toy! Speaking of which, you sure you don’t want a Tumbler? Seems weird to only favour the Batpod which logically speaking, is somewhat inferior to an armoured military vehicle. It’s also equally weird that we have so many Tumblers lying around for no good reason at all!

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: It comes in black, good enough for me.

 

INT WALL STREET

 

 

TOM HARDY: Transfher all of CHRISTIAN BALE’s money to this thingy. It will take 8 minutes, which I mention only to create a huge continuity problem when we transhituon from day to night in that phan of thime. Also, these transfers will arouse no suspicions whatsoever. CHRISTIAN BALE making terrible stock choices while I assault Wall Street. What are the odds?

 

TOM HARDY and goons escape on motorcycles and it immediately becomes dark in the next scene. Because BATMAN works in darkness, and it simply must happen. We were too lazy to shoot them escaping from Wall Street in the late evening, budget cuts people!

 

(lights start to fade out in an ominous manner.)

 

COP #1: What on earth?

COP #2: NANANANANA BATMAN is back! Finally it’s been 45 minutes, I nearly forgot it was a BATMAN movie!(insert reference to The Dark Knight Returns.)

 

BATMAN tackles HENCHMAN and smothers him in cape. He then uses an EMP gun to damage another henchman’s bike because we all know how BATMAN feels about real, efficient and uncomplicated guns.

 

BATMAN passes BANE on bike, not even bothering to assault or stop him in any way. BATMAN saves bank guy using complicated manuever.

 

MATTHEW MODINE: Let’s all go after BATMAN. We won’t spare even one policeman out of the one million we have because damnit, TOM HARDY on an ordinary, unarmed bike is just too hard to catch.

 

Entire force chases after BATMAN, who enters an alley which conveniently holds the BAT which everyone in GOTHAM failed to notice. GCPD doesn’t want to spare helicopters, BATMAN escapes.

 

EXT ROOFTOP

 

ANNE HATHAWAY confronted by group of thugs.

 

ANNE HATHAWAY: Why don’t I have any weapons damnit! Any criminal i.e. ME would have a weapon, probably a gun!

 

BATMAN(appears out of nowhere): AIKGFOAFBGBHOCKEYPADS

 

They fight until TOM HARDY arrives. Once again, all bullets are fired at them with the precise skill of Stormtroopers from Star Wars.

 

BATMAN: Quick, let’s get out of here!

ANNE HATHAWAY: My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.

 

BATMAN: This isn’t a car, dumbass.

 

ANNE HATHAWAY: Wait, this vehicle has firepower right? Blow TOM HARDY away now! It’s a golden opportunity!

 

BATMAN: Nah, not feeling it. BATMAN doesn’t kill. Let’s just run away even though we have air superiority and better firepower, as long as they don’t bring out a bazooka or anything like that. And let’s face it, they won’t.

 

CUT TO HIGHER ROOFTOP

 

BATMAN: You stole CHRISTIAN BALE’s fingerprints. I’m extremely concerned, but nothing suspicious there.

 

ANNE HATHAWAY: The guy who reappeared at the same time you did, and went into hiding the same time you did? Yeah, tell me about it, nothing suspicious there.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE at BALE MANOR

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: Damn, MICHAEL CAINE is gone and so is my money. Clearly I need to continue being BATMAN. Also, it may be too early to say this but my unnecessary interference at the stock exchange might have allowed TOM HARDY to escape.

 

MARION COTILLARD: Time for some unforced and believable romance! You lived in recluse for 8 years thinking about Maggie Holmes, but within 2 minutes that will all change!

 

BATMAN meets ANNE HATHAWAY in sewers.

 

BATMAN: Alright, straight to the point, take me to TOM HARDY, even though his henchmen are probably everywhere and he has home ground advantage. Then again, you’re on my side, so we can take him!

 

ANNE HATHAWAY: Right…

 

They fight their way through thugs with guns. Suddenly, a trapdoor closes and BATMAN is trapped, facing TOM HARDY!

 

ANNE HATHAWAY: Oh my gosh, CHRISTIAN BALE is BATMAN? Did not see that one coming.

 

BATMAN: This will be a clash between two graduates of the world’s most lethal ninja organisation. This battle will involve tactical skills and precision fighting techniques. (grunts and flails about)

TOM HARDY is owning BATMAN. BATMAN throws tiny flashbangs at TOM HARDY, which explode harmlessly into tiny puffs of smoke around TOM HARDY.

 

TOM HARDY: What on earth dude? Of all the things you could use you choose that. Speaking of which, you’re supposed to use gadgets and shit, you’re BATMAN! Taking me head-on is clearly suicide! Also, I too am on some kind of steroids that allow me to feel no pain, cause I just took like 5 punches to the face in a row and didn’t even retaliate!

 

BATMAN:IMNOTLISTENINGBAIFHAOFQJFHOCKEYPADS

 

TOM HARDY beats the crap out of BATMAN and does the epic back-break from Knightfall. Cue gasps of shock.

 

HOSPITAL

 

GARY OLDMAN: Send every cop into the sewers! It is this kind of analytical thinking that made me Commissioner!

 

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT: Good idea, sir.

 

FUSION REACTOR

 

ALON ABOUTBOUL: Sure, HARDY let me turn this source of clean energy into a nuclear bomb! Three minutes?

 

TOM HARDY destroys GOTHAM’s bridges and traps the entire police force underground.

 

TOM HARDY: Citizens of GOTHAM, claim your city, rise up against the rich..and that kind of stuff!

 

All of GOTHAM’S CITIZENS lose their minds instantly and go ape-shit-crazy on each other. In HOSPITAL, GARY OLDMAN single-handedly takes down two thugs armed with assault weapons with a pistol before rendezvous with JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT.

 

TOM HARDY reads a speech written by GARY OLDMAN, everyone believes him. Releases prisoners from BLACKGATE.

 

INT PRISON A.K.A FIGURATIVE LAZARUS PIT

 

CHRISTIAN BALE:  Where am I? Why am I still alive? Ah screw it, time to recover and become BATMAN again, like the first movie and first half of this movie. Gosh, this film should’ve been called The-Dark-Knight-barely-appears-onscreen.

 

Climbs out of pit once he stops wearing a rope. Because if he didn’t make the climb, no movie.

GARY OLDMAN: (walking on ice with PEOPLE after being sentenced by CILLIAN MURPHY. Sees BATMAN calmly walking on ice without fear, because he’s BATMAN.) Phew, thank the heavens, BATMAN’s back! Wait what? (Lights up conveniently placed flare, which went unnoticed by patrolling thugs and anyone else.) Oh-kay, it’s a giant flaming bat. Now TOM HARDY knows you are back. Stealth at it’s finest.

 

BATMAN: Come on, it took me three hours and was of the utmost importance. Plus, somehow no one saw me up there and I crossed the ice without any fear because I’m BATMAN. ANNE, I’m going to trust you with my Batpod because you’re the lead female character and you’re supposed to be somewhat of a hero like in the comics.

GARY, you’re the oldest, it makes sense for you to take on the most physically challenging task. JOSEPH, free all the cops and let them stand in a uniform row like lambs to the slaughter. Don’t worry, I’ll take out exactly one weapon on one Tumbler. Just one. You’re welcome.

 

The BAT takes out one tumbler’s cannon.

 

COPS: Alright, thanks BATMAN, that gave us the motivation to fight a losing battle!

 

THUGS: Oh crap shit just got real. Everybody, hand-to-hand combat only!

 

TOM HARDY: So, you came back to die with your city.

 

BATMAN: No, I came back to stop you! (Immediately engages TOM HARDY)

 

TOM HARDY: Seriously that was our entire conversation? No wonder people prefer the Jok…

 

BATMAN: Don’t say his name! Yeah. Watch out, I’ve learnt much from our previous encounter. (Attempts the same half-assed head-on combat as last time.)

I won’t even use those knockout agents that seemed really effective!

 

People around them ignore their epic clash, no one thinks to use a gun to shoot either of them.

 

BATMAN: Have a taste of my almighty gauntlets that saved me in the last two movies! (damages TOM HARDY’s mask)

 

TOM HARDY: Oh crap you found my one, subtle weakness!

 

BATMAN: WHERESTHETRIGGERRRR!WHEREISITWHEREISIT! (beats the crap out of HARDY)

 

Out of nowhere, MARION COTILLARD stabs BATMAN.

 

BATMAN: Did not see that one coming. Trusting the wrong person has again led to my downfall!

 

MARION COTILLARD: Surprise! I’m Liam Neeson’s daughter, the big shocking moment of this film! I’m now going to personally drive the truck carrying the bomb to destroy GOTHAM! (exits)

 

TOM HARDY: Alright buddy, I’m not going to snap your neck, but go against my own character by using a shotgun of all things.

 

ANNE HATHAWAY shows up and blows TOM HARDY into meat, because that is what will realistically happen.

 

MARION takes the truck for a spin while GARY stumbles like an incompetent fool trying to disarm it. ANNE HATHAWAY destroys two Tumblers with ease, and never do they form a Batpod for some reason, because that’s BATMAN’s thing. The truck sustains an ungodly amount of damage before crashing.

 

MARION COTILLARD: This doesn’t count as BATMAN killing someone, certainly not my driver!

 

GARY OLDMAN: I’m perfectly fine guys, appreciate you guys firing directly at me.

 

BATMAN: I can fly it out of the city in what must be the most original solution to a crisis in a movie ever!

 

BATMAN flies away, clearly sacrificing himself in a noble fashion and you know he dies because he is still in the cockpit moments before the bomb blows.

 

JOSEPH attempts to collect his items willed to him by BALE, since the two are such great friends publicly and all.

 

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT: John, Blake.

 

RECEPTIONIST: Nothing.

 

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT: Use my legal name.

 

(What could it be? Surely something like Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Terry Mcginnis, Jason Todd?)

 

RECEPTIONIST: I like that name. Robin.

 

AUDIENCE is mindblown.

 

MICHAEL CAINE in café at Florence. Looks across, sees CHRISTIAN BALE and nods. CHRISTIAN BALE comes over in a rage.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: Not even a “sorry”? You ran out on me in my time of need!

 

MICHAEL CAINE: My bad…Well even though I cried a river at your funeral I somehow lack all emotional attachment now.

 

CUT TO BATCAVE

PLATFORM RISES, REVEALING A COSTUME CASE, WHICH OPENS TO SHOW JOSEPH…

The Original Robin Uniform, with a note “H&K’s, BALE”

 

END

 

The Dark Knight Rises Review

The review you deserve, but not the one you need.

Don’t worry, no spoilers.

“If you make yourself more than just a man, if you devote yourself to an ideal and if they can't stop you, you become something else entirely – a legend, Mister Wayne.” It is finally here after 4 agonising years of waiting. The Dark Knight Rises, and returns for the final hooray in the epic Nolan Saga. Question: Does  the opening quote a few lines ago ring any bells in your head? If not, rewatch both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight before Rises. I’m serious – the events of Rises are tightly linked to its predecessors, and watching the first two will provide you with the necessary backstory to fully appreciate the thrilling conclusion to The Dark Knight Legend.

8 years after the events of The Dark Knight, Gotham is now in a state of unprecendented peace after The Dent Act. The forementioned act essentially allowed the police to put criminals behind bars and keep the streets clean. Batman is now in exile having taken the fall for Dent’s crimes. However, Comissioner Gordon is tormented by the knowledge that the current peace in Gotham is the result of a lie which painted Batman as a villain and Dent as a hero. However, all of this is about to change with the arrival of Bane, who threatens to do what the Joker failed to do – destroy Gotham for good.

While Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman and Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon reprise their previous roles, Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy and Marion Cotillard are the new entrants playing Selina Kyle, Bane and Miranda Tate respectively.

Now that all the boring stuff’s out of the way, let’s begin.

One of the problems I had going into the film is that I had ridiculously high expectations of it. I watched the trailers, devoured the viral material and never missed a single TV spot. I believe my emotions after watching Rises were similar to other fanboys – it was really good, the ending was powerful and the action was engaging. However, upon further reflection, I started to get a little nitpicky. I realised tiny plot holes and other gripes that I never really had with The Dark Knight or Batman Begins. You see, Christopher Nolan is to some extent, a victim of his own talent. Begins was good, Dark Knight was better and the logical assumption is that Rises will be the best. Nolan understood that if a sequel to Dark Knight was made it would have to be better than its predecessor. Thus he pushes the boundaries, bringing Rises to a level previously unseen, pushing the boundaries of any superhero movie that can still be considered “Real”. Many new characters are introduced and mysterious motives established. However, that’s when a problem starts – it becomes muddling and too tightly packed.  I believe that Rises was intended to be 3 and a half hours long because some of the character development and screen time was unsatisfactory, namely for John Blake and Alfred respectively. Also, Batman himself does not really feature as much as you’d expect him to. He takes a good 40 minutes to even appear. Instead, we are treated to more of Bruce Wayne, and Nolan does a good job here in exploring the emotional and mental aspects of the character. We see a rugged man clearly suffering the reprecussions of his actions, a man struggling to “rise” and bring himself together after all he’s been through. He’s clearly no longer in his prime and in a rather fragile state and for this very reason, my favourite character is Alfred, because his dialogues with Wayne were one of my personal highlights of the movie. Alfred’s conversations with Wayne are just chock-full of emotion and love, and we see how much he truly cares for Wayne. However, Alfred’s role is rather diminished in Rises, which is rather disappointing as I’d have liked to see more of the character.

Another problem is in the plot itself. As you may have sensed in the previous paragraph, it’s flimsy at best when compared to The Dark Knight. It’s good, but not what we’d expect from a mastero like Nolan. I won’t spoil anything, but I’d say that the beginning is murky and slow, and the whole movie felt a little “Hollywood”-like. Feel free to interpret that however you want to. I loved the ending though, mainly because of the powerful emotion generated by Hans Zimmer’s soundtracks. While we’re on Zimmer, I must say I loved his music more than ever here, especially the Deshay Basara track. Full of raw power and feeling, the way it should be.

The action in this movie is rather good though.The fight scenes involving Bane are really brutal and will have you on the edge of your seat. The vehicle fight-sections are also praiseworthy, although not as memorable as the truck-flip from The Dark Knight.

All in all, Rises is a thrilling conclusion to The Dark Knight Legend. There are plot holes and some moments that’d make you go “really?”, but all my gripes are just minor complaints surrounding a very satisfying core in a third installment that’d leave you begging for more.

9/10.

Hurry up Shaw!

As Singaporeans will know, Shaw's booking feature has been down for about 6 days and well...I need my TDKR IMAX tickets! DAMN! Anyway, a new Tv Spot is out, check it out via the link!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PayRJfUvK3Q&feature=player_embedded

Random stuff

Hey my viewership of about 200+ so far. I found this on twitter and thought it was really hilarious, esp for TDKR fans. Check it out.

I will be posting my TDKR review soon. If there'
s anything you want me to review, message me or comment. Thanks and please continue supporting me!!

The Amazing Spider-Man Review!

The Amazing Spider-Man Movie Review

2012 is undeniably a good year for the comic book nerds (such as myself ) who have been so far treated to the mega-hit The Avengers and are currently spending their waking days arguing heatedly about whether a certain Caped Crusader could suppress that record, while suffering another movie that was a complete atrocity cough! GHOST RIDER cough! That being said I went into the cinema feeling like I should keep my expectations down. I was weary of being extremely disappointed by another Ghost Rider fiasco that pretty much showed all its exciting action scenes in its trailers and gave the audience an excruciating two hours or so of a plot that was probably written by a bunch of five-year olds on a high. I followed the ASM trailers pretty closely and I have to admit, it looked well…not too shabby. The attempt to reshape Spider-Man to a character that was closer to his comic book counterpart was a rather hyped and discussed premise to the movie, what with the web-shooters and the constant repetition of “The Untold Story”, and it captured my interest. Tobey’s Spider-Man always felt a little devoid of banter and wit, and Garfield’s confrontation of the car thief was a great example of the web-slinger’s inability to stop mocking his foes in my opinion. I was also curious about how exactly they would retell the origin story since it is probably one of the more typical superhero origins right after losing your parents and swearing vengeance by dressing up as a fearsome creature of the night. Well I have watched the movie and I can safely say that it was…about what I expected. The first person viewpoints that allowed us to briefly glimpse what swinging through NYC on a thread of web were quite immersive and Garfield delivers a reasonably positive performance as the Webhead. However, the movie isn’t without its flaws, which I will cover in further detail in the sections of my review.

Plot:

I won’t go too much into detail to avoid spoiling the plot but I can safely tell you that you won’t really be surprised by much in the movie. Basically Peter Parker gets bitten by a spider….oh wait we all knows how this ends! He fights the baddie at the end and emerges victorious. Many critics have complained about this typical “gets powers, learns how to use powers and then engages in decisive and painful battle” plotline and I’m inclined to agree. The movie spends quite some time, perhaps too much time on the origin aspect which Raimi spent a mere half-hour on, but I guess Webb wanted more time to give us a proper story so that we could fully understand Peter’s motives behind becoming a hero and etc, which he kind of does. However, it is a reboot for a reason, and in this aspect The Amazing Spider-Man just doesn’t cut it in terms of not copying its predecessor. I appreciate Webb trying to make sure we are clear with the entire origin story, but I occasionally felt that the movie was a little too draggy and started to idly browse Twitter on my phone. I guess the prime example of a superhero origin movie in most people’s heads would be Batman Begins, which developed a great origin story without compromising many other important ingredients for the first outing in a superhero franchise.  In fact, Nolan’s franchise really shaped future superhero movies. So much to the point that Webb tried to go with the more “realistic, gritty Dark Knight vibe” for this movie. It works…somewhat well, I guess? In this case there is some tragedy and sense of loss, which is appropriate considering the villain Dr Curt Connors, who has no right arm and is turned into somewhat of a tragic hero so that’s not too bad I guess. Oh wait, I just remembered that scene with the cranes at the end that was meant to stir a sense of unity from the audience but had many in chuckles. Never mind then. Oh another issue with the plot. A big one. There are just too many loose ends. Again, won’t spoil it for anyone but let’s just say that even the mystery surrounding his parents that was supposed to be revealed in this movie wasn’t unraveled, which makes it almost painfully obvious that they want to start a franchise. At one point towards the end, the movie somewhat admits that there are many unanswered questions about Peter’s life at this point, which frustrated me as I felt that some of the plot points could have been cleared up. Instead, they chose to leave many unanswered questions in order to have a wider range of options for the sequel. Pff.

Characters: Tousled hair and younger-looking, most of my female friends tell me that Garfield is way more suave than Tobey. To which me and my male friends responding with a resounding “Are you girls blind?” Again, purely my opinion so please lower those pitchforks, all you fan girls and swooning socially awkward males. I’m digressing. I guess I do prefer Garfield’s Parker/Spidey more. The reason for this is established from the very beginning. He seems more like a relatable teenager that is full of angst rather than the complete loser they made him out to be in the first movie. I felt slight sympathy for the character’s loss of his parents, followed by his Uncle Ben (oh come on that wasn’t a spoiler!) due to Garfield’s considerable acting .Webb does just enough to avoid making him feel too “emo” though, and does quite a good job in establishing the character’s banter once he’s behind the mask. Strangely enough, Garfield also displays sunny, positive emotions in contrast to his darker ones, so points for decent range at least, considering he experiences more depression than in here than in Raimi’s entire trilogy. Spidey throws a few quips and such when fighting the Lizard which is rather entertaining. Emma Stone is rather charming as Gwen Stacy and I’ll say what so many other critics have said: Garfield and Stone have good chemistry on-screen. She is generally likeable enough, and that’s about it. The Lizard is interesting though. Curt Connors is clearly established as a character driven by the pain of having no right arm, and some of his actions are driven by his desire to have what he never did. Connors is clearly represented as not so much a clear-cut villain. Webb claims that he is not like the Batman villains, such as the Joker which is the embodiment of pure evil, another subtle attempt to claim that the film wasn’t somewhat inspired by The Dark Knight. However I felt that the Lizard, which was created entirely through CGI, felt a little out-of-place at times with the environment. A minor gripe. He was slightly menacing when not looking a little comedic though, I’ll give him that.

Action: It really starts somewhere around 45 minutes, when Garfield starts beating on thugs. It’s… a long wait and I’m sure everyone else in the cinema was as eager as I was to see some fighting. I even started to fear another Ghost Rider experience, and started praying that I didn’t waste 10 bucks. However, when the action came, it mostly didn’t disappoint. One upside is that this Spidey uses his webbing “tactically” and in more creative ways in combat that you will be entertained by, as compared to Raimi’s Spidey. Spidey is correctly depicted as a fast-hitting hero that relies heavily on speed and reflexes to battle far more physically-imposing foes. The web swinging sequences suck you in and make you see the world through Spidey’s eyes , which is done quite well but were a little too scarce in my opinion. One issue I had was how often Garfield felt the need to remove his mask for no real reason besides perhaps having to smell the clean fresh air. The whole point of a secret identity, hello?! He did it more times than Tobey, presumably for more screen time. These small things took me out of the movie at times and I was left wondering why he would possibly do that instead of focusing on the movie.

Overall: 7.5/10

While not as critically acclaimed as other reboots like Batman Begins, The Amazing Spider-Man does deliver an ultimately fulfilling experience. Sure, there are a few too many loose ends and the Lizard could have looked more cohesive at times, but the movie is generally quite entertaining when not suffering from an utterly predictable plot.